An everlasting flame for my everlasting God.
Whatever that happened during revival night, up till now, has been a memory etched forever in my heart. More than just being emotional and teary, because emotions will fade off, but a conviction made up in my heart.
Well, I know I am gonna stand out in my new school like how I did in my old one. Going into the new school , making new friends, score high GPA, and still being an on fire christian, easy pisy man.
It is easy only because I am still comfortable at where I am. I have my best friends at church with me to let me know I’m not alone. I have my family(trench buddies) going to church with me every weekends. I am allowed to read my bible openly in public without being thrown to jail. I am lucky to be living in such an environment.
But, let’s say what if? Touch wood I met up with an accident and lost my arms and legs? Or got rape by a strange man? Or lost my family? Or tortured, electrocuted? Will I still lift both hands high and praise Him?
How about pressure in the world that pulls us away from holiness? Being mocked for being “Holy”. Being cast out because of not doing what they are doing. Being recognised as ‘brainwashed”. Will I still be part of the fellowship of the unashamed?
That night, I played all this scenarios in my head, and I question myself. Two thought processes that happened in my mind:
- “I don’t think I can brave through all those scenes”
- “But I know I can do it with God”
The second thought was just a thought. At that moment, it wasn’t something that came out of my entire being. I’ve thought too highly of myself.
All along, I didn’t know I have been living in preference. My strong belief, my dreams, my BF/RF, me being so enthusiastic to evangelize, all this is just a preference.
A preference weakens under pressure. A conviction strengthens under pressure.
A preference is changeable. A conviction is unchangeable.
A preference is negotiable. A conviction is non-negotiable.
A preference is something you discover. A conviction you decide.
A preference must be assured of victory. A conviction does not care if you win or lose, live or die.
Culture is lived out in a group. Conviction is lived out alone. So on 5/4/2016, I made a permanent decision to be set apart. Others can, but I cannot. Not because its a christian rule, it’s because I know it is not right, and more important, I don’t want to disappoint my Father in heaven.
If you don’t bow, you won’t burn.
When you don’t bow, you give others courage not to bow.
Sorry to those who don’t understand parts of this blog, or misunderstand what I’m meaning.